Dear J.K.

To Ms. Rowling,

Before you cast a Patronus Scrumdiddlyumptious spell on me to rid me of my buzz killing ways, let me say that the final leg of Harry Potter's magical journey through puberty is just fine. A step up from it's Half-Blood Prince predecessor, but nowhere near as inventive or fun as The Goblet of Fire or The Prisoner of Azkaban entries. And I applaud you for stretching your writing skills and your poetic sensibilities to the point where your prose seamlessly blends the no nonsense wisdom of a Weekly Reader and the tortured soul searching of Emily Bronte.

But here's what I don't get: Don't you have enough money by now to hire an editor? After finishing the book once I felt like I read it five times, owing to your habit of repeating every plot point zillions of times. Trust me, your obsessive fans will read this mother so many times that they won't need the built-in Cliff's Notes to sort out the story.

And why, after crafting seven increasingly ginormous books, haven't you figured out more ingenious ways to keep the plot moving than having Death Eaters show up EVERY time Harry, Ron and Hermione are on the very cusp of making a major discovery? The lameness of this clunker plot device is exacerbated by the fact that we know that these crazy kids will always dodge harm by disapparating to some far-off enchanted forest where they'll encounter mystical woodland creatures and hidden swords of infinite power.

And if you try your hand at another huge series, you might want to consider having less characters so that you don't have to scurry in the final stretch to mention every breathing organism that ever inhabited Hogwarts, Daigon Alley, Pivot Drive or any other Harry hot spots. I'd hate to sound pushy or whiny, but all the last minute name dropping gave me whiplash.

That's enough quibbling for now. I really, truly had a good time reading The Deathly Hallows, and - keeping in mind Daniel Radcliffe's recent au natural outing on the London stage- I'm dying to see if Harry's nude scene makes it into the final movie!! Can they show penises in PG-13 flicks, or just asses?

Please use the proceeds from my purchase to buy a butterbeer on me!

Stephen