THE DULL VINCI CODE

This morning I sat in a freezingly air conditioned movie theater and shivered as I watched a press screening of Ron Howard's eagerly anticipated The Da Vinci Code. Up until yesterday I had actually been looking forward to the movie. I read the book a few years ago and enjoyed the roller coaster story despite Dan Brown's craptacular writing skills.

But yesterday the news broke that the critics at Cannes hated it, and that laughter broke out at pivotal dramatic moments.

I didn't think it was THAT awful, but I was mighty glad when the 2 and 1/2 hour showing was over. Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou give totally boring performances, though Ian McKellen is a hoot as the Holy Grail scholar who may or may not have our hero's best interests at heart.

Given the popularity of the book and all the Catholic controversy swirling around the film, I don't blame you if you succumb to curiosity and check out The Da Vinci Code. You'll get a few thrills - particularly the perverse treat of watching a menacing, self-flagellating albino monk played by Paul Bettany. But be prepared for lots of convoluted dialogue, cheesy historical reenactments and a 30 minute stretch at the end that seems to last 4ever.