I'D RATHER EAT GEFILTE FISH

No report on the new movie Keeping Up With the Steins is worth the cyberspace it's etched on, but I feel that I'm performing an important public service by warning y'all to steer clear of this cinematic abortion. At all costs. I saw this "comedy" with about ten other critics, and I didn't hear one laugh the whole time. Ebert and Roeper gave it two thumbs up, but then again they're the guys that thought Crash deserved to win Best Picture.

Keeping Up With the Steins
Grade: D-

This excruciating exercise in ethnic comedy desperately wants to be the Jewish version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but it misfires on every imaginable level. Daryl Sabara (Spy Kids) plays a shy 13-year-old caught up in his wealthy parents’ scheme to throw him an extravagant bar mitzvah party at Dodger Stadium. Scott Marshall’s aimless direction makes ace comic actor Jeremy Piven (Entourage) look like an amateur as the kid’s father, and Daryl Hannah and Doris Roberts fare no better in their supporting roles.